The Truly Retarded Part of Science

(Left:What I really think humans will look like 500 thousand years later, something he told us to draw out but I so happened to have something that fits perfectly)

Which came first the chicken or the egg, that was the first thing my new science teacher (Someone for the sake of his reputation I'm not going to name, but most of us know who he is anyway) asked. Before our dear sir told us the answer he gave us a big huge long assed explanation before actually giving us the answer which so happened to be....chicken. Now had my teacher still been Ms. Sara who was like an older sister to all in my form/class well, she wouldn't have spent so much time explaining the nonsense of "The Big Bang Theory" and would have just went for the chicken came first the question how ever of which came first was brought up because it was supposed to be asked as a question when getting interviewed to get into a uni or something.


Here's where I start off with the first of the truly retarded "The Big Bang Theory" the piece of garbage that was supposed to create the planets and our sun/star. Now it starts off like this, two big pieces of rock which are supposed to be 50 billion times the size of earth (I'm assuming bigger than the sun which is pretty obvious) collided and exploded which in theory created the forms of our planets which in turn caused life. The biggest problem I have with this theory is the fact that it involves an explosion that caused all life, doesn't take a brilliant rocket scientist with a degree in anatomy, physics and anything else got to do with the effects of an explosion to a human being to know what an explosion does to your body. If however you don't know go look at the pics of the bombing on Gaza see what happened to all those in the effective radius of a bomb, now we still can blame Bush for funding Israel but only untill the 20th of January, when that day does come we want "US President Obama" to do something about it but untill then just blame Bush. Another problem with this theory is that we have info on how stars are created as shown below:


"A star begins as a collapsing cloud of material composed primarily of hydrogen, along with helium and trace amounts of heavier elements. Once the stellar core is sufficiently dense, some of the hydrogen is steadily converted into helium through the process of nuclear fusion. The remainder of the star's interior carries energy away from the core through a combination of radiative and convective processes. The star's internal pressure prevents it from collapsing further under its own gravity. Once the hydrogen fuel at the core is exhausted, those stars having at least 0.4 times the mass of the Sun expand to become a red giant, in some cases fusing heavier elements at the core or in shells around the core. The star then evolves into a degenerate form, recycling a portion of the matter into the interstellar environment, where it will form a new generation of stars with a higher proportion of heavy elements."


Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/


Even if stars were created in the "Big Bang Theory's" method wouldn't we have a lot more debris floating arround the planets and stars, they're 50 billion times the size of the Earth for cryin' out loud, billion Earths don't just dissappear am I right? And had each of them really been 50 billion times the size of Earth I would seriously believe we would have alot more land and asteroids down here. And honestly what are the chances of a moon sized object hitting each planet to start their orbits and cause gravity, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune aren't even solid how exactly do you hit those and cause them to start their orbits. Those would probably be free floating molecules if the "Big Bang" actually did happen and was actually true, and besides its just a theory no one actually has any proof that its true.

This is the second and last thing about science I believe is retarded "The Theory of Evolution", its the theory made up of several nonsensical pieces of rubbish based on a few skeletons made up mainly of a chimpanzee skeleton, several deformed ape or human skeletons and a human skeleton. Its just insulting to know that our dear old Darwin could only come up with something as insulting as evolution, something as usless and insulting as calling us all a bunch of apes. Something our new science teacher pointed out to us was our tailbones, according to him we used to have tails but maybe its just there and you still do feel pain if you land on it. Unfortunatly that's all I can think of on Darwin, and the moral of the story here is we need Ms. Sara back I'm sure everyone prefers that. Scientology just there to scare the crap out of you.

Hope you all enjoyed it,
Alex

Breaking News: Might be leaving on a jet plane.

Hey everyone, this is Alex here and I would like to tell you something really important. My mum is going to send me to Germany for my college and uni studies, hope I can afford a laptop by then or I will not be able to post any more. And yes I want to go for a comedy stream but my parents want me to try others out before choosing what I want to do, I am sure I want to do that cause I enjoy writing my own material and I also enjoy talking in front of everyone, and the last reason is that I did the math for what profits I would get if I do make it and make it good the results are amazing I'll show you guys the numbers (made my friend want to be my assistant or at least a minor position in my team if I made it). The numbers are 20,000 for some big tour, an average tour would be a week (7), and if I am organizing the whole thing by my finance then I would get a full pay of an average 100-200 dollar ticket here's what I'll get.

If $100 per ticket 20,000 times 7=140,000 times 100=$14,000,000

If $200 per ticket 20,000 times 7=140,000 times 200=$28,000,000

Both these figures are without the addition of TV channels that might want me on their channel. But I have two problems as well, first I have no idea what type of costs and ammount of people I have to make space for and second autographs. Only positive side I see in going to Germany at the moment is Jodi might be going too.

Will miss you guy's if I leave,
Alex

Note: Who knows how to add negative reactions please let me know and if you want to place a negative reaction to any of the posts just do so in the comments followed by what you think we can improve.

Holiday Public Figures That Just Don't Fit

I just talked about holidays and parties that don't fit, but today is diffrent it does involve holidays and parties, but this time its about those guys who go around in big costumes during those seasons and don't really make alot of sense to the actual meaning of holidays or are there just to scare the shit out of people.



I'll start this one with the Easter Bunny oh yea that guy, he goes around pretending to be some sort of originator of the holiday but as I recall there was no record of any sort of rabbit, bunny or hare in Easter also known to all Christians as "Good Friday". Some of you might be thinking why I didn't put this one in "A Few Holidays I Think Are Pointless" well my answer would be as a Christian, Easter is about the resserection of Christ who went to hell and back so we can live happy lives, that seems to be something worth celebrating don't you think? Now to continue from "Good Friday" in row three, this doesn't really fit that well with all of us firstly because we always refer to the "Easter Bunny" as a he, now since "he" is a guy how on Earth does he lay the eggs that he is supposed to give us, I mean he's a guy isn't he. Secondly even if the idiot bunny has chickens to lay the eggs for him I did the math and he needs a rediculously large chicken farm that can fit 17,260,273.9 chickens, which comes to my third point what type of person creates a bunny that's supposed to gather chocolate eggs keep some sort of huge cooler room and actually hide to collect 17.2 million eggs a day for the whole year just to give everyone on earth an egg each and we all know that everyone loves chocolate so he has to work 10 times as hard with 10 times more chickens thats 172 million eggs a day just to satisfy our chocolate cravings, it's amazing how some people think he's real, he must be having a hard time supplying all those chickens with food and stuff. By the way did you know his factory must be like some huge piece of land that could be seen from space or something? That's one other thing that amazes me, we still haven't found his factory and it is what the biggest chicken farm in the universe not to mention chocolate egg laying chickens.

Now enough with the bunnies and chickens, we move on to the ultimate baby face hero I present to you all....Cupid. Yes Valentines day superb time to be asking amazingly awesome girls out, the stupidest part of this is the person who is supposed to be in charge of this stuff Cupid. You know why that's the stupidest part I have several reasons for this, firstly the guy is a baby, I wouldn't want to put my love life in the hands of a baby, and trust me alot of us in Form 2 think he's doing a bad job.
Here's one senario where if the baby does loose his bow and arrows, remember that last part in Troy, imagine if the baby accidently forgets his bow and arrows after taking a nap after he shot Brad Pitt and what's her name. Orlando Bloom picks the wrong bow and arrow, shoots Brad Pitt once and the next peson he shoots is supposed to be in love with the guy. So here's what happened in the movie, Orlando Bloom plants 5 arrows in Brad Pitt making him normal 3 times and love himself 2 times which made his brain fry and killed him. Here's when Orlando Bloom calls the weapon's shop he bought the bow from it goes like this "Hey er,Jim? I'm having a malfunction with your one-shot-one-kill T-6000 War Bow." and Jim goes "Why,what happened?" Orlando continues "I shot this guy once and he went in a trance, the second time I shot him he started hugging and kissing himself, then after a few more shots his head started smoking and it blew up." and Jim goes "Sure you got the right bow?" Orlando replies I don't know but some flying baby seems pretty angry, I think I'll have to call you back." Now Cupid just found his bow and is seriously pissed, Orlando with his battle reflexes shoots Cupid, Cupid was apparently allergic to the arrows went for his inhaler in a compartment in his harp but Orlando shoots at it making it fly to the other side of the hall. He shoots Cupid another 5 times and Cupid goes off with a demonic glow around the places he was shot and blows up.

Another wierd thing about him is his arrows, how does he get so damn many he has to have like what? 10 billion of those things, he has to have some sort of infinite arrow quiver or something or he'll need one the size of a house and not just 6.3 billion arrows, as a baby he should be missing alot of those arrows don't you think? And having such tiny wings don't really help when carrying a house load of arrows, I mean they're the size of a telephone how do you carry a house with those tiny little things?

Moving on to the last and most famous one, Santa Claus, yes I am talking about that overweight guy in a big red flamable suit and a talking beard (at least it seems that way) that our parents made up just to make us good for the next month or two when Christmas was just supposed to be Jesus' birthday, WHAT'S WRONG WITH US!!! Now my deal with this guy is that he has to have a huge toy store probably bigger than the north pole. And how does he get all those elves, he must have millions of them and they all seem to be guys, my explanation for that is a simple theory maybe they spawn like those orks in LOTR (Lord of the Rings) and you have to pull them out of crap. Even if that were true how much supplies do you think Santa is supposed to get all that supplies for food, clothing and reindeer which are an endangered species. Then on Christmas he is supposed to go to every house on earth and deliver presents, not easy on one night don't you think? I forgot the figures for how long it'll actually take but I'm taking an educated guess and assume it's going to take way longer than that, and if he does actually do all that in a night I would think he should be less of a burger and look more like Bruce Lee or somehing. Besides Christmas is just Jesus' birthday not Day of the People With Obesity, so darn you all deal with the facts of holidays.
-Alex

A few holidays I really think are pointless.

Most of us love holidays, its our (students') way of making up for the time lost at school by sleeping it off. Now I have no objections with holidays but I must say we have made alot of usless ones for well no reason we all have no objections to those but they are still usless, in the list of usless holidays or reasons to go out all night with your friends there would be New Years Day and Halloween.

I'm going to start this one by asking, what on Earth is so special about going around the Sun for millions of years to most of us it's just going to be another boring day after the firework display. Well the only real diffrence is that we get to say "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" to anyone we see, now there's the biggest problem with New Years Day we always go around saying "Happy new year" (This is especially true with 2009) well what happens if the new year is sad I mean have any of you been reading the news lately? There was so many reported crimes in the news paper, celeberties dying and the biggest problem of them all is "Gaza Invaded", now honestly if you were in Gaza right now and even speak the sentence "Happy New Year", either you will start to wonder why everyone is running away from you when you hear the loud sound of a rocket flying at you and still wonder whats happening and then it hits you, you will start running for a split second before blowing up into little bits and pieces, either that or you say "Happy New Ye...." and before you even finish the sentence you get stoned to death by every one there. Here's someone else I believe would pay alot of money to kill you if you say "Happy New Year" John Travolta. Oh yea he will kill you if you say "Happy New Year" it's because (with all the respect) he has been having a really bad time with this new year and I'm sure we all know why. And with that I tell you to think before saying "Happy New Year" (Rest in peace Jett Travolta)

This is another excuse of a party well known to most of the world, most of us know it as Halloween (known to me as Devil's day). This sad excuse of a party is honestly really stupid, how can anyone celebrate for the devil and we're not talking about some crazy assed boss we're talking about the f**king devil here. Now why on the face of earth would anyone stupid enough celebrate for the devil, he is the one toturing all of the lost souls in hell and we still celebrate for him. And how exactly do we think the devil gives candy to people in hell, unless someone went down there and came back with a lifetime supply of the stuff I wouldn't think that we have to walk around looking stupid and going "Trick or treat" and find out the devil kills people's souls. That would sure scare the little life out of those trick-or-trickers. I'll end this one now by saying becareful and know what you're doing.

Enjoy a long lasting life,
-Alex

We All Hate Global Warming ( All of them are for Jodi)

Today we all see the world being something that is going to end, but in fact to quote George Carlin “The world isn’t going anywhere, WE ARE!!!” Now ask yourselves what could possibly cause such damage to the environment, sure wasn’t God, I mean he was the one who made this little blue green ball that's floating in space, and those cow farts, burps and dung don’t seem to do much damage to the environment or our world would be some barren dessert or something like that, well if we have ruled out those guys then it must be us so WE did this to OURSELVES. And so we go “SAVE THE PLANET” then after protesting for about five hours releasing a good large amount of CO2 ourselves, we get in our little cars turn the engine on, turn the AC on, recline the seat for a nap and “SAVE THE PLANET” in a car that gives out more green house gasses than a few cows can farting, burping and taking dumps. Speaking of cars scientists now are developing more efficient gasses to power our cars and produce LESS green house gasses, well we don’t need less green house gasses we need no green house gasses. So if you can actually make a car that’s powered by water and spews out oxygen, or better powered by carbon dioxide and spews out oxygen, I suggest we stick to the old fashioned way of walking or taking bicycles, and the only other way we can actually help our environment is by killing ourselves, we did this to our world anyway.

Here’s one other thing we can do to “SAVE THE PLANET” stop using paper, for every 33 sheets of paper we use we destroy I don’t know how much of a tree. That’s how unappreciative we are of them; they have been restoring our oxygen supply for how long? The answer to that is since God made this awesome piece of planet, and to show how appreciative we really are, we write on paper made of trees. Oh yea they sure love being written on, especially since we also use them for furniture. Here’s two things most of us do to trees that would seriously make them pissed first off fire wood, oh yea we like that now don’t we burning them to keep ourselves warm. And the last and biggest thing that trees would seriously be pissed off at us for, TOILET PAPER. That seriously pisses them off, imagine you minding your business making Earth a more livable place and suddenly some nut job with a chain saw comes and goes “This one’s big enough, cut it down.” And soon you feel as though you lost your footing and you fall down, the next thing you know some kid at school is doodling on you realizes he stank at it throws you away and then you get recycled. (As a student who also doodles I have no objection against doodling, the difference is I doodle on half used working paper.) By now you should be some sort of pulp again wondering what your fate would be and believe me it is not a good one, after a few hours you wake up as a thinner sort of paper on a card board roll thinking oh this should be good I have some company and you start talking to the tube of card board. Soon enough you end up in a place any paper that used to be a tree would dread a toilet, the lucky ones get some toilet in a house others in public toilets, not so lucky. So anyway you go on talking to the tube of card board and some guy comes in, drops his/her pants and starts taking a dump. You are disgusted by the smell and suddenly he/her reaches out and yanks at you, you scream as you are slowly being stripped of life and a bit of you is ripped from your original roll. That little bit is going to wipe the crap from the human’s ass hole and screaming in disgust and pain you wish you were being doodled on. Now had God made plants and trees moving communicating creatures, they would be so pissed there would be a war against humans and we would have died out earlier. The message of this is mainly appreciate and respect plants and trees I will attempt to make more in future, but enjoy this for now.
Specially written for Jodi.

If you all liked that tell us what you think in the comments or email us.
-¥Âlèx¥™

About me.

To anyone who so happens to read this, my name is Alex Lee. I made this blog....just for the plain fun of it. If you so happen to have suggestions email me at (alexleekahfai@hotmail.com).

About me:
Name Alex Lee, age 15 this year, Birthday 27/12/1994, I just love fun doing dumb things that won't get me killed.

Enjoy and have fun.
-ҰẮlèxҰ™